Best place to cure a broken heart

Things happen for a reason! You know why because in 4 days I will be on a plane to sin city!!!! What better place to cure a broken heart! 

I think the break is finally all the way through now just time to heal.

A few good lookin' bodies at the pool on Saturday will more than help my boo hoo cry baby crap!!! 

That and vodka. Always the vodka.

Las Vegas baby! Here we come! 4 gorgeous girls tearing up Vegas. Get outta the way!!!

Hehe. No. He was not a douche. A very good respectable man but that still made me laugh :)

Screw you broken heart, Screw you.

You know, saying goodbye to someone you love is always a really hard thing do to. And I'm not talking about the final goodbye, just a goodbye, time to move on, kind of goodbye.

You know they will always be there, just a phone call away but when you say that last goodbye its like the phone lines are cut, never to be mended. Maybe its the broken heart that makes it impossible to pick up the phone.

You have to go through the next few days with your heart in your throat and head racing  and tears right on the edge.

I'm so freakin sick of being the girl thats "special" and the girl thats "important" I want to be the one girl they can never let go! Where is my damn prince charming. I want someone to love me unconditionally, without bounds, someone who would go to the ends of the earth to be with me, not someone who is unsure of what they want! How can people go through life being so unsure or what it is they want.

Maybe its the stubborn in my bones but when I set my mind on something and I say I'm going to do it. I do it. I dont half-ass it, i dont sway in my thoughts. Whats done is done and I do it. Then when I have to change my mind because its not possible anymore, it frustrates me. You set plans in your mind, you set plans for the way things will work out, and you work your butt off to make that happen because you SAID you would. Then the other half of your plan bails....What the hell are you supposed to do then, other than just get angry and frustrated.

I think when someone lets ya go to see if it would work out between an ex, thats probably the worse kind of slap in the face. "You aren't good enough to be with, so Im gonna see how it works out with this girl, that i've already known it didnt work out with." I think its the familiarity and convenience that makes someone turn to an ex. but who wants to just be with something thats familiar and convenient?! Don't you want excitement and spontaneity??? Dont you want something thats exciting, thats going to make your heart flutter and just feel good and happy on the inside?

Instead you would rather be with someone that a. you already ended it with, they are an ex for a reason and b. someone you are going to have to fight with and argue with all the time to make it work because you have already been with someone else. You have already TOLD that other person that you love them, yet, you can turn around and try to be with an ex. You think your ex isnt going to have some insecurities about that? I sure as hell would.


Screw you broken heart, Screw you.

Az I Needed That

For those of you who understand the hug you get from your parents after not seeing them for a while, and after being heartbroken. There is nothing the same. Home is where the heart is so they say. Although mine had been a little lost the past few days. It feels right at home in the open arms of the people I love.

I desperately needed this trip. And all things happen for a reason, it fell right on a long holiday weekend. I left Wednesday night and got to stay all the way until late Sunday night. Just being around  family did wonders for me, kept my mind busy and I was happy.

Thursday and Friday I spent with my dad. We went out on the lake. 

Friday night went to mill with all my friends to a new country bar, which was a lot of fun. 

So good to have good people around me! 

Saturday and Sunday I hung out with my mom. 

Coming home I felt so much better than when I left... It was like a refresher! 

You have no idea how much better I felt coming home after being with all of the people I love the most! It was so good to be home. From hanging out with my dad, to mill with my friends, staying up until 3am swimming in the pool, to the weekend with my mom. It was all so much needed. I love all of you who made the weekend so awesome for me!!!

Back to the grind. Time to start working my butt off so I can get the heck out of texas!!! Do work! 

why why why...

I guess there is a plan for all of us. There is a reason things happen but Dang, sometimes i wish they didn't have to be at the expense of my heart.

This one is gonna take some time to heal from. I guess the long distance has just become too much to handle.

There are times when I'm angry and there are times when I'm sad. Maybe it's for the best but it sure hurts like hell. 

Being here in Texas sure doesn't help when you're goin through a breakup. No familiar shoulders to cry on, just my baby girl Indy. She cries when I cry.

I hate being melodramatic, I hate being sad, but it will heal eventually. 

I think I'll go home to AZ see my family, my friends, they're the ones I need right now. 

Chrapek Wedding :)

Back to Indy I go. Yet again. But this time for the much anticipated Chrapek wedding! I Cant WAIT to see Mrs. Alicia in her gorgeous wedding gown!!! You go girl! 

Well there has been a lot happen between now and the last time I was in indy. When I got back. I thought, you know, Jake is right, this long distance thing is too hard. We cant do it. I was considering leaving my job so I could move to Indy to be with him. I would have left in a heartbeat with the exception that I've made a promise and a commitment to my boss and I cant break that.

 So I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. Should I keep this thing going with jake long distance, or just let it go and maybe one day move out to indy and hope that we could be together. I decided to let go. HOLY HELL! That was a LOT harder than I thought it was going to be. I cried like a child missing their mommy!!! What in the heck is wrong with me! I'm a big girl, I can handle a break up! Oh wait, no, no I cant... Because shortly after I told Jake we couldnt be together, he decided he wasnt going to let that happen. Great! We're a mess. 

But on a good note. I talked to my boss about it and he said that within the next year, by April, we can have my assistant doing all of my work and I can move wherever it is I need to move. Indy, Arizona, wherever. It made me so much happier knowing that I can get the heck out of Texas. I told jake about it and we were excited to know that in less than a year I could be in Indiana and be with him. It was a relief. Lots of stress was gone and I just finally felt good about us for the first time in a while. Back on my happy high again!!! 

We are Super Hott! 

Fun at the wedding! 

Sarah Brought Mustaches! 

My Dates! Oh yeah! I had two! 

Phil!!! You look Skinny!!! love you! 

Ask me why I have no pictures of the bride. Well its because I was being a sour puss at the wedding. I danced my little heart out, got too drunk and said some very not nice things to the one person I have been trying to make it work with for the past month. What in the heck is wrong with me!!! UGH! Ended up going home. Not staying with Jake and going to get my stuff from his house the next morning. Funny how you can go to a wedding, have this new beautiful relationship begin, they are starting their lives together, and we cant even make it through a weekend together. Thats probably going to be the end of that. Maybe its for the best but my heart hurts!!!

For My Grant's Birthday

Its never easy thinking about Grant. It always gets me in a sad mood and those things that come around once a year always get to me especially his birthday. Its sad because I will continue to get a year older each year, but he will forever be the same. Looking into the mirror I see myself get older, but his pictures always stay the same. He just keeps looking younger and younger each year. Its been 3 years since he passed away and each year we do a canoe trip in honor of him. I didnt get to go last year because I had just gotten back from Europe but this year I found a plane ticket that wasnt too expensive and headed out! 

Jake and I had been talking the previous week and he thought it best that we break up, but there was no way in hell I was going to let that happen. We talked on the phone for a few hours and everything felt a little better after our conversation. We were both feeling the same, except that now I had these thoughts in my head that he wanted to leave, which didnt make me feel to good but what am I going to do 900 miles away. He finally said he would give it a go and would pick me up at the airport when I came in for the canoe trip. 

You know, I thought it would be different this time, I thought I wouldnt have as many butterflies as I do, I thought that it would hurt to see him. But I was wrong. They were all there, but there was something missing. Something didnt feel the same as it used to but it still felt amazing to be in his arms! 

We agreed to do our own thing while I was out there. He went to a car show and I went on the canoe trip. (That I still dont understand buy maybe it was for the best). 

The canoe trip was a blast! So much fun! SO many drunkies! I didnt drink though because I didnt want to be a complete waste for when I got to see my man later that night. We had big plans to make dinner and relax, like a normal couple for once, and trust me we needed that!!! It was kind of a bummer that I didnt get to hang out with everyone at night, they all stayed out and camped but I knew that Jake and I needed to spend some quality time together and I could sacrifice a night of drinking for him ;) I'd really do just about anything for him at this point. Maybe thats silly but I want this to work out more than ever. 

April and Phil 

Jason, Sarah, Alicia, Greg and Jeremy in front

On the Bus On to drop us off at the top!

Getting ready!  

Cant wait for your wedding in a few weeks!! 

Love you Linds!

It is SO pretty out here! 

Sad face because she refused to stop trying to untie my swimsuit! Dang you 

Big Pimpin!

Post Greg drowning Austin's Kayak! 

Post Canoe Trip Bus Ride... Look at all those sunburns!

Sunday we got up went to breakfast with Jakes Family, came home, hung out then went to play softball with Phil, Phil's sister felicia, Humphries, Ashleigh smith, Brad and crap I forgot her name....really nice girl though.... Anyway, that was fun, I really liked playing even though I am terrible and dont exactly know all the rules. I do know how to drink :)  and that we did. 

Awww arent we cute!

Who's that sexy stud muffin!?

Lil Phil!

Love these girls!

Came home made dinner and hung out for a few hours before it was time to go to bed. We had to leave the house at like 3am to get to my 5am flight on time. UGH. But as tipsy as I was, my head was racing and racing about the conversations that Jake and I had the few night before. Maybe he was right, maybe the distance is too much. Maybe we should just walk away before we get hurt. I couldnt stop thinking it. He dropped me off at the airport and I went home. it was a strange goodbye. 

Mowing The Lawn

So now that spring is here and the grass is growing like crazy I have needed to mow the grass so bad. I have a lawn mower and all the stuff to mow with but I just didnt know how. I have never mowed the grass before in my life. Just not something you have to do in Arizona. Plus my dad and little brother always did it for us.. 

Well I had been having a lawn guy come mow the lawn, I paid him in a case of beer evertime he mowed. Well a cases of beer starts to add up and I knew it couldnt be THAT hard to mow. So I went out to the lawn mower and tried to start it, Which I could but it was out of gas. i asked my nice lawn guy if I paid him one more time to mow the lawn if he would fill up the mower for me. He said he would. The next week I got out there, started it up and mowed my own grass!!! 26 years old first time mowing the grass. Go me. I also trimmed the bushes and the trees. the only thing Im still kind of afraid to do is use the weed eater for the edges of the grass... Maybe next year. 

Before on the left, After on the right!

Before

After

After