For My Grant's Birthday

Its never easy thinking about Grant. It always gets me in a sad mood and those things that come around once a year always get to me especially his birthday. Its sad because I will continue to get a year older each year, but he will forever be the same. Looking into the mirror I see myself get older, but his pictures always stay the same. He just keeps looking younger and younger each year. Its been 3 years since he passed away and each year we do a canoe trip in honor of him. I didnt get to go last year because I had just gotten back from Europe but this year I found a plane ticket that wasnt too expensive and headed out! 

Jake and I had been talking the previous week and he thought it best that we break up, but there was no way in hell I was going to let that happen. We talked on the phone for a few hours and everything felt a little better after our conversation. We were both feeling the same, except that now I had these thoughts in my head that he wanted to leave, which didnt make me feel to good but what am I going to do 900 miles away. He finally said he would give it a go and would pick me up at the airport when I came in for the canoe trip. 

You know, I thought it would be different this time, I thought I wouldnt have as many butterflies as I do, I thought that it would hurt to see him. But I was wrong. They were all there, but there was something missing. Something didnt feel the same as it used to but it still felt amazing to be in his arms! 

We agreed to do our own thing while I was out there. He went to a car show and I went on the canoe trip. (That I still dont understand buy maybe it was for the best). 

The canoe trip was a blast! So much fun! SO many drunkies! I didnt drink though because I didnt want to be a complete waste for when I got to see my man later that night. We had big plans to make dinner and relax, like a normal couple for once, and trust me we needed that!!! It was kind of a bummer that I didnt get to hang out with everyone at night, they all stayed out and camped but I knew that Jake and I needed to spend some quality time together and I could sacrifice a night of drinking for him ;) I'd really do just about anything for him at this point. Maybe thats silly but I want this to work out more than ever. 

April and Phil 

Jason, Sarah, Alicia, Greg and Jeremy in front

On the Bus On to drop us off at the top!

Getting ready!  

Cant wait for your wedding in a few weeks!! 

Love you Linds!

It is SO pretty out here! 

Sad face because she refused to stop trying to untie my swimsuit! Dang you 

Big Pimpin!

Post Greg drowning Austin's Kayak! 

Post Canoe Trip Bus Ride... Look at all those sunburns!

Sunday we got up went to breakfast with Jakes Family, came home, hung out then went to play softball with Phil, Phil's sister felicia, Humphries, Ashleigh smith, Brad and crap I forgot her name....really nice girl though.... Anyway, that was fun, I really liked playing even though I am terrible and dont exactly know all the rules. I do know how to drink :)  and that we did. 

Awww arent we cute!

Who's that sexy stud muffin!?

Lil Phil!

Love these girls!

Came home made dinner and hung out for a few hours before it was time to go to bed. We had to leave the house at like 3am to get to my 5am flight on time. UGH. But as tipsy as I was, my head was racing and racing about the conversations that Jake and I had the few night before. Maybe he was right, maybe the distance is too much. Maybe we should just walk away before we get hurt. I couldnt stop thinking it. He dropped me off at the airport and I went home. it was a strange goodbye.